I think I’d honestly rather be alone, in my own bed, asleep.. than somewhere I feel gross. I’m not okay just being a trick.
I really really didn’t need this to happen now..
Cause now that I know you said something.. I have no fucking idea how much you said, and that’s scary because I’ve told you a lot.
Why can’t anyone be trusted?
If I tell you something in confidence, I expect it to stay there.
Don’t be a little bitch and run behind my back and spill your guts.
I. Don’t. Have. Time. For. People. Like. That.
People always wonder why I say I hate people.. perfect example.. why should I love people when all they do is stab ya in the back?
My stomach is in knots.. and now I’m going to need to watch what I say to you and to other people..
I knew this was going to happen someday, and I knew it wasn’t going to be said out of my mouth..
Fuck you all.
I hate everyone.
I’m in the mood to be held - I guess cuddled is a better word.
I just want someone. Wanting someone is new for me.
But I want a companionship relationship.
I want to be best friends; best friends that care about each other so much that the only other step is a relationship.
I just want it.
I’m being so pissy and emotional, but I just feel empty, and nothing is filling it.
But the sad part is, I know what would fill it, and what would fill it would be a relationship.
I hate that I’ve been backed into that corner, cause I feel like I’ll be there, until one of two things happens:
1). I actually get into the relation
2.) For some reason one of us
decides we no longer want to
But I want one of the two things to happen, because I’m pretty tired of feeling like this.
I’m not used to feeling empty.
One day, I’m going to look back on this and see just how foolish and stupid I was..
I’ll actually be able to tell myself the dreaded “I told you so..”
I just need something to fix this. I don’t like myself..
I think people are picking up on it, and that’s what scares me so much.
100% poker face at every minute, but this is weighing on me more than I would like to admit, and because of that.. people are noticing.
But I don’t know how to change it without hurting myself..
Someone at work said something and it’s stuck with me for a while now
He said I know what’s wrong with you..
"You’re in love with love.."
I thought he was crazy and immediately said no, but the more I think about it.. the more I feel, it’s true.
And I remember he rephrased it, but I can’t remember what exactly he said.
But I don’t know how to fall out of love with something, because when I love something.. and truly love it,
I love it with my whole being.
I know in the end my heart is going to be broken, and I’ll end up being a bitter angry bitch.. but you always hope it doesn’t.. but we all know..